Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Up Nepa!!!

Ethan gazes into her eyes. He holds her hands and pulls her closer. “Theresa” He says softly.
Theresa looks flustered as she returns his gaze. “Yes, Ethan.” She answers, seemingly hypnotized by the gaze of the one she adores.
“I need to tell you something, Theresa.”
“I’m listening.” She whispers. “Tell me.”
Ethan suddenly dips his right hand in his pocket and brings out a small box. Theresa gasps. You gasp. We all gasp.

And then….Silence. Darkness.There’s a doggone blackout. Mumcee  hisses. The kids whine. Popcee adjusts his head and keeps snoring.

This is a story-line that has passed the test of time in this great country of ours. It has happened in generations past and is still happening now. Nepa (that’s what I've always called it and what I’ll always call it) is probably the most famous entity in naija. Everybody knows Nepa. Great grand parents, grand parents, parents, children, pikins – they all know Nepa. Nepa is like our Michael Jackson.

While oyinbo babies are learning to say “Dada” and “Mama”, naija babies are busy mastering “Up Nepa.” Can’t blame them too. Na heat don waya them. The strangest part is that Nepa has plenty mind readers. How else would they know to take the light when the movie is at its climax. When the guy is about to kiss the girl - the kiss that viewers have been waiting for, for months. Or when they are about to catch the woman that has been cheating on her husband and everyone in the house is screaming. “Won ti mu, won ti mu o…” and Gbam!!! Nepa strikes.

Another reason I'm sure Nepa has telepaths is this – When there has been power supply for a pretty long time (naija’s definition of long, at least) and you think in your mind, “Ahnahn, there’s still light sha.” Sharp sharp, the light has gone. It’s like they’re saying, “You ingrate, you’re not even happy. You’re complaining.” I think ama get me one of those mind-blocking thingies from X-men.

As a kid, if I insulted anyone or called anyone names, my mum would either give me “the look” or just grab the nearest Louis Vuitton belt (if her kid was going to be scarred, they might as well be designer scars, right?). On the other hand, when Nepa 'offs' the light, and before I can control myself, I start to call them names…“Nonsense rubbish Jagbajantis…etc” When I eventually remember that my mother is watching me, I look at her apologetically but she would grin at me and give me her blessings.

This particular rant was inspired by an incident that occurred when I was hanging out with my friends and family today. We were having a good time and rocking the azonto to the music in one restaurant. That’s how Nepa struck! In the middle of my azonto. Crime toh bad. As always, we carried on like it was the norm. I got to thinking – if the power supply gets cut in Yankee, for example; they panic, run around, call the phone company, call 911. I can imagine calling the police when power goes out here. They’ll probably arrest me for mocking them.

Yaaaay. They just brought the light oh. Up Nepa!!!!!!!!

Mschew. Na generator sha…G'night. Until a layrah time. *wink*

Yours truly, Rantalot


  1. You're doing great. Actually found myself reading through your articles without jumping any lines. Thumbs up gurl.

  2. funny as usual. Ur Ma's a comical character. U should consider authoring a book on ur adventures someday. tis an interesting prospect to look forward to...

  3. Nyce one gal.....I luv ur articles....ff


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