I figured I should tell you a couple more tales before the month runs out.
The Tale Of The Dreadlocks
Months ago, my mum got tired of her long hair and
decided to cut it. A few weeks ago, she got tired of her
low cut and decided to lock it. So one Saturday
morning, my momma said to me;
MUM: I'm going to make my hair. I wanna make
ME: oh, cool.
I expected it would take pretty long, but less than two
hours later, she returned and pressed the bell. The door
is made of glass so I saw her before I got to the door.
My first instinct was to run back inside. From fear.
Instead, I looked closer and alas, it was my mother.
I opened the door, looked at the hair for a few seconds
and we both started laughing. She looked like an alien.
Not bad, just extremely different. Too different. It took
me a couple of days to get used to, and now I'm used to
it. She looks like a funky babe. Later that day, I caught
her taking pictures of herself. Make up, hair and all. I
think she was trying to get used to it too.
Moral: Don't be afraid of change. The fact that it's hard
doesn't mean that it's bad.
The Tale of Superstars
MUM: I heard that wen stars enter a store in America,
they close it down. No one else can enter.
ME: Yes they do.
MUM: Its not like Nigeria. Who cares? In fact, where is
ME: In America, they have die hard fans.
MUM: If Michael Jackson should go now they can close
ME: Mummy, Michael Jackson is dead.
MUM: I know na. U think I don't know?
MUM: But if someone like Michael Jackson or Bayonsi
should go now..
ME: Bayonsi? Who is Bayonsi?
MUM: Is it not Bayonsi...Bayonsi Bayonsi Bayon...si
ME: Mummy pls stop.
MUM: Why? Is it not Bayonsi?
ME: It's Beyonce
MUM: Beyonce. Who cares?
Moral Of The Story: If you fumble, remember its not that
The Tale Of The Matchmaker
ME: Should I get u a blind date?
MUM: What about deaf date?
Later, not willing to give up, I said;
ME: Mummy, I can set something up for you oh.
MUM: Maybe I should call in on this matchmaking
program on Inspiration FM
ME: oh really?
MUM: But I've never heard anybody from my group.
ME: Your group?
And then a few minutes later
MUM: I don't want you to find anyone for me jo. I don't
trust you. All the people you bring will not be spiritual
ME: Mummy there are so many fine boys wasting away.
MUM: God will bring my husband to me.
ME: The bible says heaven helps those who helps
MUM: The bible does not say that.
ME: *sigh* ok.
Moral Of The Story: Don't lie against the bible to your
mother. She reads it more than you do + God is
The Tale Of The...Uhm...I Don't Even Know
So, one night I went to get indomie for my mum, from
the kiosk opposite the house. On my way back inside,
some guy stopped me;
GUY: I'm sorry...pls I won't take your time. I've been
seeing you around this area. I know its late and I just
want to talk to you a little. But I don't want to implicate
GUY: Yea, my name is Dele. What's your name?
ME: I don't know you, why should I tell you my name?
GUY: Perfection is not perfection but the perfect person
ME: Huh? What are you talking about?
GUY: That's what I'm trying to tell you by that proverb.
What I'm saying is that nobody is perfect.
ME: Uhm...okay. But what does that have to do with
GUY: You don't know everybody. So you don't have to
know everybody. Do you know everybody?
ME: No. And I don't wanna know everybody. I'm still
confused. You haven't answered my question. Why
should I tell you my name?
GUY: Okay. Because you sound like a mother.
GUY: You sound like a mother.
ME: Okay I'm gonna go inside now. That was a creepy
GUY: Okay keep it. Maybe later.
Moral of the Story: GUYS, if this is your game, you're
gonna be single for a long time. Probably forever.
Yours Truly, Rantalot