I'm here silently praying you don't find another internet lover to replace me. Because I'm not committed or dedicated. :)
A lo has happened. Too much, actually. So today is rant-about-whatever day.
The other day, my sis and I were walking down from Ikeja and she wanted to buy sunglasses. We stopped at this place by the road and started to look through the ones there. For some reason, most of them had the logo "Roi Boi" on them. I asked the guy selling;
ME: Wetin be Roi Boi na?
GUY: It's good.
ME: I've never heard of a designer called Roi Boi.
GUY: No na. They're different. There's even the one called Ray Ban.
ME: Uhm...Ray Ban is the only original one.
ME: *sigh* if you're going to fake it why not just write the right thing?
GUY: Its not the same thing.
I decided to let it go. I didn't let it worry me too much because I realised they had their customers. People who were loyal to Roi Boi. I was sad, but I let it go.
The Tale of The Royal Baby
A few weeks ago, there was a Royal Baby craze. The Prince Williams, abi Richard (I honestly don't remember their names)...one of the Princes and his wife were expecting a baby. Everyone was a bit gaga. Even my mum. When the mother to be finally went into labour, my mum pulled her chair close to the TV for the entire day. Waiting for the royal baby. She was so excited. I asked her in the evening;
ME: Mummy were you this excited about my birth?
ME: Can I change the channel.
MUM: I don't want to miss the birth of our baby. She has been in labour since.
ME: Our baby? Mummy they'll announce it when the baby comes.
MUM: No. I even wanted to go somewhere but I don't want to miss it.
ME: What if the baby is already here and they don't want to tell you people.
MUM: Lailai. They can't do that. When the baby comes, they'll tell the Queen and then they'll tell us.
A few days later, I think she realised that that baby belonged to someone else. That in fact, I was her royal baby. So, she took me to this family funfair with bouncing castles and barney (he was red and looked like a bear). A lost of 5-yr olds and 8-yr olds and one 20 something year old - Me. The price you pay for being the Royal Baby, I figure.
The Tale Of Circumcision
So, we were watching the Prince and his wife smiling at the cameras. And my mum goes;
MUM: Williams is handsome
ME: he is just there
MUM: He's handsome
ME: Do u like him? Can u marry him?
MUM: I can't marry oyinbo.
MUM: They don't do circumcision
ME: Do we do circumcision in africa?
MUM: yes na
ME: What is it like?
M: Have you ever seen a boy's penis?
ME: How do they circumcise jo?.
MUM: They cut the top off
ME: The whole thg.
ME: No oh. Just the skin.
Me: oh ok.
MUM: But oyinbo own is just dogboro
ME: oh? so what does circumcision do?
MUM: hmm...actually nothing.
Moral of the story, don't have weird conversations with your mother.
Yours truly, Rantalot.