Hug Transformer!

Dear Readalot,

I have failed you in a way. I haven't posted anything for over a month. I have an excuse. A good one. What happened was...

I had this conference in Dubai and we were stuck on the plane for like 2 weeks because the door wouldn't open. The pilot started to rap. Then one of the air-hostesses joined with the chorus. 

Before I could say Oshodi-Oke, all the passengers on the plane started to sing. Then someone must have heard all the singing at the airport, because they came to open the plane door. While we walked out of the plane, we saw a dog. A talking dog...

Okay, I'm sorry. I've run out of lies. Nothing happened. I was ridiculously lazy and refused to blog. I'm sorry. Will u forgive me? Yes? Yes? Thank you.

It was my birthday last Friday. Amazing. Amazing. :) I'm happy to be alive. My friends were so cool. Prayers and wishes that mean the world...and cake. About the cake.

I went to bed, woke up and half my cake was gone. I know cake was made to be eaten, but it was not made to disappear. I knew it was my mother. And brother (Calmalot). My brother's story was -

CALMALOT: Mummy asked me to take it?

ME: Big or small piece?

CALMALOT: Yes.

ME: Yes what?

CALMALOT: Big. Not too big.

My problem with this was, it was my birthday cake, not my mum's and she was doing the sharing. The conversation with my mother went something like -

ME: Mummy you can't take all my cake for your friends. I have friends too

MOTHER: What friends? I ain't seen none.

ME: I ain't seen none? Why are u speaking like that?

MOTHER: It's American English.

And that was the end of that. And the end of the cake. 

__________________________

On Sunday morning, someone sent me a message on my blackberry.

THE PERSON: Please are you in Lagos?

ME: Yes, why?

PERSON: My uncle and his friends need five girls to keep them company?

ME: Huh? Keep them company?

PERSON: Yes.

ME: Why? Are they lonely?

PERSON: Yes

ME: Tell them to call their wives to keep them company.

PERSON: Nop

ME: Wait first. Do I look like a runs girl?

The tin pain me. I won't lie. I really wanted to know why this person was motivated to nominate me for the company-keeping job. This is the state of our society now. Some old lonely men need their daughters' mates to keep them entertained. I'm a tad disgusted.

Women have been told that their husbands will definitely cheat on them. It's inevitable. I don't agree. I'm sure that there are good men out there. They're hiding, so the bad men won't kill them and take over the world. That, or they've been kidnapped. 

NOTE: If your husband is one o' the bad ones, I know one baba that does MAGUN. Contact me for details.

_______________________________

I've been seeing news on twitter about Babcock University and their new fees. Three million naira for medicine or something. A lot of people have jumped on the wagon. Called the school owners thieves. Called the students idiots. Called the parents magas. My opinion is this... 

Is it your money? 

I find that sometimes, we tend to hate on people that have what we don't have. I seems to come naturally. 

- Pastors with nice cars and jets.

- Students with massive tuition fees.

- Fine girls with nice shape.

- Fine boys with nice cars and girlfriends.

ETC.

We hate. And it's starting to show. It's not our place to judge anyone. If your dad had 3-million to spare to take u to study medicine in a private university (irrespective of the fact that you won't eat meat), he probably would. Maybe not. But the point is, its never as important as we make it. Never. Let's all mind our businesses and live happily ever after.

_______________________________

Before I go, I wanna give a big shout out to the government. They have put these alarm things on the transformers. When light comes, an alarm sounds. There's a good side to this and a bad side. 

BAD SIDE: This means they are trying to tell us to understand that they will continue to take light. If there was constant electricity, we wouldn't need a reminder that they've returned power every few hours. So they're asking us not to expect any change soon.

GOOD SIDE: Usually when the generator is on, there's a bulb that comes on when electricity is back. In my house, this bulb has been dead for a while. My mum always expects me to leave what I'm doing and check if the light is back say every 15 minutes. I, of course, forget. And she, of course, verbally abuses me.

Now we have an alarm. Finally, people can hug transformer and mean it. 

Yours truly, Rantalot.