Hi. This rant is just a bunch of blah blah blahs. Aren't they all?
Once upon a time, I was proud of my childhood. My brother's and I grew up on mashed potatoes, and oats and cereal and all the cool stuff. My father spoilt us. Or so I thought.
You know those cloth diapers? The kind kids soil and they have to wash and reuse? That kind? Yeah.
I bragged and bragged to the staff at my mum's daycare that I didn't use none of that. I was so certain.
ME: Me?? Lailai. I used pampers. I was a butty child.
ME: I can't take this insult. I'm going to go tell my mum to open your eyes to the truth.
I walk over to my mum, full of righteous anger.
ME: Mummy, can you imagine. They said me I used nappy when I was a baby.
MUM: Yes. You did. All of you.
Just like that. My childhood memories were ruined.
Then one night, my mum, my brother, Calmalot and I were chilling in the living room talking about everything and nothing. I confronted my mother, full of hurt.
ME: But mummy, how could you have used cloth nappy on your children. What did we do to deserve it?
MUMMY: What are you talking about? It was original. If you see it ehn...it was so white.
ME: Oh mummy. You're missing the point.
MUMMY: I used the same ones for all of you.
ME: OMG...Mother you're making it worse. You didn't only use nappy on me. They were hand-me-downs. I thought you loved me.
MUMMY: They were so fine. The best part was when you washed them and spread them. So white.
I saw we weren't on the same page and I let it go. Decided to talk about something else. However my mum was throwing little noisy farts around.
ME: Mummy, stop this please. You're not showing your kids any respect.
MUMMY: This is my house.
Then I looked at my brother who had been preparing for a Statistics exam.
ME: I used to like statistics. Especially Propability and err...uhm...the other stuff.
ME: Do you know it well?
CALMALOT: Of course. You can ask me any formula and I'll tell you.
ME: What's the almighty formula.
CALMALOT: SMH. Don't worry.
ME: You don't know book. This is bad.
ME: If you have 15 cows and 8 dogs and 5 cats, whats the probablity that you'll pick 2 cows in 3 picks?
CALMALOT: Are you okay?
ME: Tell me the answer?
CALMALOT: The sum over the number?
ME: Sigh. I don't think I remember anything I learnt in school. This is sad.
MUM: Two of you don't know anything.
ME: Oh? Shey you did statistics? Tell us the formula.
ME: This our family does not know book.
ME: I think I just farted
MUM: You're a disgrace to this family.
Then my mum decided to change the topic.
MUM: All of my children will give me twins.
ME: For what? For sacrifice?
MUM: No for ritual.
She changed the topic again. She asked my brother;
MUM: When do you want to get married?
CALMALOT: I don't know.
MUM: Simi when do you want to get married?
ME: It's me you really wanted to ask. Why did you ask him first?
Who knows? Maybe she's onto something. While I was in the states last year, some guy went to my house to look for me. He found my brother, Wozealot, at home. Wozealot told me he came to stop my marriage. He came to warn me about my upcoming wedding. He mentioned that the guy I was about to marry wasn't the one for me.
The only problem was I was not aware of any marriage plans. I asked my mum and she said she wasn't planning any wedding for me either.
blah blah blah!!!
Yours truly, Rantalot.