Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Eve



Dear Readalot,


Girls are not very likable. They seem to have the incredible ability to be disliked. If you like a girl, it's either she's pretending or she has jazzed you. Most likely.

Boys don't like girls. Girls don't like girls.



You may ask - "If boys don't really like girls, why do they keep asking us out and telling us we're pretty?"

ANSWER - God made it mandatory for them. It is compulsory. Dem no get choice. :(

This deep dislike for females started way back. Started with the first girl. Evelyn AKA Eve.

Adam had been chilling and running things. He did what he wanted, when he wanted. He didn't baff for days and he got away with it. God had the odour-blocker thingie, so He didn't mind. Adam was living the life. He didn't have to work on a six pack. Nobody to impress. Adam would play soccer with the angels for as long as he wanted. He played FIFA with lions and giraffes. Living the life.

One day, God asked Adam to help him buy coke. Adam took his time. God was chilling for coke. Adam was playing Ludo. God vexed. He didn't understand how He could have spent so much dust and breath on this dude and ordinary coke he couldn't buy. So He vexed and said - "Know what? I'm gon make Eve and change things around here. I'ma show this guy pepper."


So, God wozed Adam and he fell into a deep sleep. No way God will woze u and u won't sleep. He did shap shap surgery and removed one rib from Adam and made Eve... After after sha, Adam woke up and found Eve. Chai?!?!

All the privileges, privacy and peace of mind he had before went away. He now had to take care of and try hard to impress someone who it was pretty impossible to impress. The deep seed of dislike was sown in his heart for many reasons. They didn't wear cloths at the time so he had to make sure he had a 6-pack constantly. On her birthday, he couldn't give her ordinary flower, he had to go to the hills behind the river to pluck it. It was a hard knock life. He had to be sensitive to her feelings while she didn't care one way or the other about his feelings. If he complained about anything, she would go -"You're a man oh. The first man for that matter. You need to start acting the part." She wanted to have her way all the time. This is what eventually got them in trouble. One day, Adam said he wanted pineapple.

Eve said - "No, we're eating apple. In fact, we're eating that apple we're not supposed to eat."

Adam said - "Babe na. God won't like it."

Eve - *cries* I thought you loved me.

Adam: *sigh*


You know how the story ends...


From this time, girls had started making life miserable for boys. Even Joseph sef. He had been working for years. Trying to get promoted. Trying to make an honest living. Before oga madam said she wanted to come and eat where she had not sown. She put an honest man in jail.

Samson nko? It was in his time boys realised it might not pay to trust girls.

David too. He was chilling, that's when babe said let her come and baff outside. Looking for trouble.




And now?? Guys don't like girls because they usually always have their way and they don't. In yankee, oyinbo woman will hold the phone in one hand and use the other hand to slap the guy. If the guy should mistakenly touch her, she'll call the police. In fact, if he shouts at her too much, she'll sue him for emotional trauma. If he uses words she doesn't understand, she'll sue him for verbal abuse. No man is safe. All because of females.

Women can do anything they like with any gender. No one cares. You find chics grab their girlfriends in big long hugs. Pecking each other. 'Nakeding' themselves in joy. No one cares. Guys..??? If the hug is more than 2 seconds, people look at them funny.


If a little girl wants something, she almost always gets it. All she has to do is smile and do the puppy-eyes thing. Even the hardest hearts melt. Little boys on the other hand can't ask for something too long. If they ask the first time and they hear no, they should just free the tin. They can receive slap. Most likely will too.

A girl can wear just about anything without discrimination. When I was younger, I used to love baggy pants and cute little timberland shoes. Nobody cared. Imagine if one of my brothers asked my dad to buy him ballet shoes. Or for a nice pink dress. I probably would be one brother less by now.

Girls have it easy, but still end up complaining about pretty much, everything. They want a nice pair of Gucci shoes, they get it and complain it's not the exact shade of burgundy. Boys want a pair of Airforce sneakers, they get regular canvas and they rejoice. Girls are tedious. Too much stress. You can probably never make a girl happy. You can try. Hard sef. But, somehow somehow, you'll miss something.


Girls don't like girls.

This is simple. Girls don't like other girls because life is a war. A girl doesn't need a reason. But when she does have a reason, it's usually stupid.

If she sees an ugly chic, she goes - "Dang! How could anybody look at herself every morning looking like that."

If the chic's beautiful, she goes - "Smh. I honestly can't stand proud people. Real beauty is from the inside."

If she has something she likes - "Mschew. I bet that bag is fake. Fake chic oshi."

If she has a cute boyfriend - "I'm sure that boy is playing her. Don't even know what he sees in her."

If she's rich - "Na that money go kill am."


Girls don't think nice things about each other. If they do think it, they'll never admit it. Might be a sign of weakness.

I keep very few close girlfriends. I make it a point of note to avoid girlfriends. My besties are three young ladies that I had to get a private detective to check out. I had their homes secretly searched. My private detector guy followed them around for months before I became friends with them. Better safe than sorry. They don't know this though. But I'm writing this post to help others out there, so I don't mind if they know now.

It's only girls that have a quarrel with their girlfriend and then start to tell the whole world their secrets.

"She has done 12 abortions."

"Her mummy is a witch."

"Her uncle molested her grandpas neice's cousin." Etc...

*sigh*


Girls are really not likable. So, when/if you find any girl that seems likable (1 in 3 million) cherish that one.


Yours truly, Rantalot

6 comments:

  1. Ha! Simi,what girl annoyed U enof to write this? Now I get why I like and dislike a girl at the same time.

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  2. LWKMD Come here and get a hug!

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  3. You too much dear. Nice one!

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  4. OMG..dis ghe ur somthing else...how d u think of this stuff...hillarious.

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  5. *falls off chair* Simi wee nor kee person o...

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