Wednesday, October 8, 2014


Dear Readalot,

I've had people send me letters of utter displeasure at my long silence. Some of you have threatened to kidnap my brother and sell him to the highest bidder. Please, go ahead.

On a serious note though, please come and carry him.

I had been wondering what would be a good way to end this long hiatus. Then my mother happened.

So, this morning, I went to the gym with my mum.

I need to mention that I think of myself as a team-player. A group motivator. A loyal partner.
So, every once in a while, I would post pictures of my mum and me on Instagram. #GymBuddy #MotherOfLife #YesWeCan #MyMotherIsBetterThanYours etc...

From this, you see I clearly felt we were a team.

Normally, when you go someplace with someone (family/friend/foe sef) and they ask you to pick a partner, you naturally gravitate towards the person you came with. They automatically become your teammate, no?

Not my mother.

TRAINER: Pick a partner.

Naturally, I looked at my mum. She didn't even glance at me. It was almost as if she had forgotten I was even around. I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt, because sometimes these things happen. Sometimes, people forget they went to the gym with their last born daughter. So I tried to get her attention.

ME: Pssst. Hayce. Psssst!

She ignored me. Instead, she looked at some other lady standing a few feet to her left and that one too smiled and walked up to her. They held hands in unholy ma-gym-ony. #Betrayal.

I looked around at all the other people working out next to us. Two of them were whining too much. One just never got all the moves right. She picked me. #iDontDeserveThis.

Thankfully, I survived it.

Afterwards, I walked over to my mum;

ME: You betrayed me.
MUM: How?
ME: When they say pick a partner, you should naturally gravitate towards me.
MUM: Why?
ME: Am I not your daughter?
MUM: So?
ME: You rejected me.

She laughed and ignore me. Again.


This brings me to another matter (kind of the same matter, but kind of different in a similar way).

You know how you think someone is your best friend but they don't really feel the same way?

MARIA: I don't trust anybody in this life. Only my bestie.
CHICHI: Oh? You get bestie?
MARIA: Of course. Lucy is my best friend.
CHICHI: That's weird.
MARIA: Wachu mean?
CHICHI: Lucy told me she don't even like you. But...

Before you start claiming best friend, you need to confirm with the other party if it is a mutual relationship. If it is, y'all need to have an agreement. By agreement, I mean contract. Yeah, for real. Detailed and everything. It should include;

*Duration Of Friendship
*Consequences of Betrayal
*Public Holiday from friendship
*Roles of Friends

Make sure you cover all these important points and you can hardly go wrong. Perhaps, I should have done this with my mum.

I have three best friends (I think they're friends with me because I kind of asked them at gun-point - but that's hardly the point). We're still working on our contract. Getting it perfect and stuff. It's a lot of work to be friends with anybody - but when you have amazing friends, it's worth the trouble.


One more thing.

Is it okay to have a bestie from the opposite sex when you're dating someone else?

I've heard a lot of opinions, but I just think it's complicated. We tend to tell our best friends almost everything. This can end up being really awkward.

HER BOYFRIEND: Sorry guy, I'd pay for the drinks, but I left my wallet at home.
HER MALE-BESTIE: No it's okay. Kemi told me you're broke now.
HER MALE-BESTIE: Yea. Don't worry, we're all in this together.


HIS GIRLFRIEND: I'm hungry sha.
HIS FEMALE_BESTIE: Oh, that reminds me. When are you free?
HIS GIRLFRIEND: Not sure. Why?
HIS FEMALE_BESTIE: I want to teach you how to cook rice. James told me you're having a little difficulty.

Really, really awkward.

On the other hand, your opposite-sex-bestie is probably your day one nigga from like the actual day one oh - (not like the day fifteen niggas we have these days). In this case, it would be cruel to cut them off because you're dating.

Pros, Cons. Complicated.

I do think that we just really need to understand boundaries and respect them. Whachu think?

Yours truly, Rantalot


  1. And if my babe thinks she's gonna have a male bestie... She jonzin! Smetimes u wonder au it even happens... Biko, with all the ladies around #Strange

  2. I'm with u 100%! I'm not about that opposite sex bestie business at all! It always complicates things, well not always but u know....

  3. We easily understood each other, i knew all his 3 bestfriends well, even the female one. Then she got jealous when we started dating and not only that, he reports every single thing going on with us to her and opens up our weaknesses and strengths, no respect for privacy. She begins to question our relationship, question every other thing. He's also a ladies man and other issues. I had to break up. Was so hurt. Cried and cried esp cos of how I opened myself up to him foolishly, oh well... now ive learned.

    SIMI you're on point jare. You and your supermom sha. Lol

  4. simi you just bone us. i know you have a lot going on right now but pls we are hungry plss rant. and by d way i just watched your open and close video. nice.

  5. You should write more dear. You are also very talented in this area

  6. "Role of friends" in the agreement 😂

  7. The real rantalot

  8. I think you need to rant a lot. I love this and I love you. #SimiArmy #SimiAddict 💋💋💯💯


Tell me what you think...or don't think.