Thank you for crying with me. All is well. Now, I'd like to make you smile with me again. Or at least, try.
I have been wondering if there are sins that God generally considers harmless. I mean the kind of stuff he would put in the not-really-a-sin department. You remember how Robin Hood would steal from rich people and give to the poor people? Nothing so dramatic.
I'm talking about things like sneaking food into the cinema.
Generally, you are not allowed to bring in anything you can eat from outside the cinema. You are expected to buy everything from them. This shouldn't be a problem really, except for the fact that they sell 50 naira popcorn for 600 naira. And 100 naira drinks for 300 naira.
Last time I was at the cinema, I went by myself. I had just paid for my ticket and then joined the pop corn queue. I requested for one bag of popcorn and a bottle of Sprite. The guy on the other side of the counter had the guts to tell me to pay 900 naira. My first instinct was to ask when they increased the price. But - as a big girl, you don't do things that way. You pay first and cry later.
Besides, they never increased the price. Most girls don't know how hard it is to keep your head above water. They don't pay the bills. They ask, and they receive.
BOY: What's wrong?
GIRL: I just feel so *sobs* incomplete.
BOY: My love, tell me what to do to wipe your tears.
GIRL: Those shoes...*sobs* Baby, if I don't get those shoes, I don't think I can ever be happy again.
BOY: Anything for you baby.
If the poor thing had thought to ask his pastor or grandma, they probably would have told him a handkerchief would wipe the tears just as well.
Anyway, this is why people cook food from their homes and take it to the cinema. If you pay close attention in the cinema, you'll find that a lot of ladies carry really big handbags, aka traveling bag. The bigger, the better to carry food for her, her boyfriend and their family friends.
Once, in the States, I went to the movies with a few of my friends. One of them bought cookies and hid it in his hoodie. Not in the pockets. In the hood.
These are the things we need to protest against in this country. Cinema popcorn prices. We have lost our priorities?
Another not-really-a-sin I can think of is running a red light in dire circumstances. (For Nigerians only).
For example, I don't think I know any Lagosian that would stop at a red light at 12:00am. It's not that they don't want to stop...it's that somebody might be waiting for them. With guns. And bullets.
Once I was in a car with a friend who stopped at a red light. It was really late. There was hardly any traffic. But my friend, being a good citizen and Christian child, stopped. The car behind us started honking. My friend ignored him. He honked and honked.
In his mind, my friend was wrong and he was right - never mind the logic. Eventually, my friend decided to move. Normally, I would say; "You shouldn't have done that." But , there is nothing normal about a red light in Lagos at 12:00am.
What if it's not even that late, but your wife is in labour?
She has already started cursing you and your family for "doing this to her." Will you stop? Or will you go?
It's pretty random, but I wonder if you can think of any not-really-a-sin. Lemme know :)
Yours truly, Rantalot.