Happy Feelings!

Dear Readalot,

Today, my sister and I went to Computer Village. For those that live outside Lagos - No, this is not a village where Computers live. It is like an electronics market. I guess u could say computers live there.

Anyways, we went to Computer Village.  I went to ask about my phone which has been bad for a few weeks now. My sis took me to this guy's shop. He was very soft-spoken. He let me sit in his chair and touch his computer. He let me talk on and on and use his phone charger. He even gave me a battery for my phone. For free. He said he didn't need it anymore. Funny thing is we didn't even buy anything from him. Great guy.

I asked him if he would marry me.

HIM: (Laughs) You're too young to marry now.

I was a little hopeful. He didn't exactly say no. So I laugh and chill for a while. Then I ask him;

ME: Are you married?

HIM: No? Do I look married?

ME: No. I'm considering marrying you.

HIM: I'm not married.

ME: You have a fiancee?

HIM: No. I'm too quiet so girls are always cheating on me.

ME: Oh?

HIM: Yea. Too much wahala. So I'm thinking about other things now.

It wasn't exactly a "no". More like a "back off". So i didn't bother convincing him that I wouldn't cheat on him. I had done my best.

I would like to insert here, that the - GIRLS DON"T LIKE NICE GUYS - theory was total nonsense in this case. I like nice guys. :)

This incidence, in spite of the joke, made me feel a little sorry for guys. Especially the ones that ask girls out and are rejected. I can imagine them practicing their lines over and over again in front of the mirror. Full of confidence and Brighter Grammar skills, they walk up to the girl of their dreams. The conversation goes something like this;

BOY: Hey baby.

GIRL: Do you see me wearing diapers?

BOY: No. sorry sister.

GIRL: Can't be your sister. I'm the only child.

BOY: Common. don't do this princess.

GIRL: You see crown for my head?

BOY: Sigh. Fine girl?

GIRL: Better. But I'm not wasting my time with you.

Then she walks off without giving him a chance to recite the lines he rehearsed earlier -

"Baby, you are like the sun. You shine bright like a diamond. I'll catch a grenade for you. Let my love adorn you. These are my confessions."

Some guys even go the extra mile to sacrifice a whole 100 naira credit to show how madly in love they are. They love you so much they forget how to use spellcheck and even give you expo on how to play the love game, in case you don't know how. Sigh.

You see a lot of single old boys now who are ready for marriage, but too scared to do anything about it. They've had too many bad experiences. They've heard too many NOs. However, the truth is that only the persistent ever get what they really want. If you get something too easily, you probably wouldn't value it as much. Probably.

When I was about fourteen, I was walking home. Some guy saw me. He followed me. He bugged the heck out of me. I was so annoyed but he followed me all the way home. I got to my gate and looked at him.

ME: What do you want from me?

HIM: I have feelings for you?

ME: Happy feelings.

And I jammed the gate in his face. He came back with a card declaring his love for me. One time, he said he dreamt about me. Then, he made friends with my brother so he could come to my house without me being able doing anything about  it. No, I never said yes.

YOU: So why did you tell this story?

ME: I can't really remember.

But I guess you could say now he knows all the things not to do. Because of persistence -_- And I was teaching him how to celebrate his feelings. Something we all ought to do.

Guys say we like playing too hard to get. I guess this is probably true in some cases. I guess. However, what pisses me off is a lot of guys think they're totally irresistible and every girl actually likes them. Wants to date them. Is crazy about them. And if they say no, they're just pretending. This is stupid. It has become sort of like a culture now. In a lot of cases, if a girl says "NO", she doesn't mean "Don't give up. I'm actually crazy about you." She means plain, old, regular 'NO! I'm not doing! Leave me!"

I know of a conversation that went something like this;

BOY: I like you.

ME: I have a boyfriend.

BOY: You will still come and beg me for a relationship last last.

Sigh. Don't do it. 

Be yourself. Be confident. Have a vision. Be respectful. Be kind. Don't be a nuisance. Know when to give up. 

Truth is you'll never know if you never try. 

Yours truly, Rantalot.