Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Wad Up Dearie?

Dear Readalot,

It's been a little longer than a while. I've missed you and the vain side of me hopes you have missed me too and that you've lost sleep waiting for me. Forgive my vanity, I'm working on it.

So many interesting things have happened these past few weeks. I can remember some of them, I have forgotten most. The one most vivid in my mind at the moment is my experience at Darey's concert, Love Like A Movie.

I'm hardly the type to go for concerts by myself, but I decided to break the jinx this one time. Many people went for many different reasons. Most guys went because they had been told Kim Kardashian, American sweetheart, would be available.

BOY1: Mehnn...I gats go see that girl curves. I no go fit carry last this time around.
BOY2: My guy, you know this. But man you go borrow me that 5k. When popc give me school fees, I go return am.

Unfortunately, Kim showed up on stage for about 10 seconds wearing a very simple black dress (revealing nothing), read a poem that no one heard, blew all of us one kiss - just one kiss for thousands of people - and then hopped the next flight back home. School fees incomplete for nothing.

A lot of people have complained that the organisers of the show wasted about $500,000 inviting Kim, since she didn't stay for too long. But one could also argue that the reason many people had any interest in the show was because she was coming, no? Anyways, the show was extremely entertaining for me. The theatricals were amazing. They had white people do all a lot of somersaulting on ropes.

I proved the fact that I was from Ondo state. One time one white lady was dancing on one rope while Darey was singing "Lady in Red" and I kept shouting "JIZOS!!! Don't fall oh! These naija people won't catch you!" One girl next to me kept telling me not to worry, that they won't fall down. Apparently, she doesn't know what naija bad-eye can do to you.

Even the white boys 'somersaulted' well. The only problem was that they decided to wear pant. Like that wasn't bad enough, any small thing like this, they will open leg. Meanwhile, the new almighty formula is; Boy + Pant + Open Leg = Bad idea. I kept trying to imagine a naija boy wearing pant and doing all that. The picture refused to form. A naija boy will curse your favourite ancestor before he even wears boxers on stage, much less, pant. Pant!!

One baba who came with a lady that seemed to be his girlfriend (he wasn't holding her like a wife -_-) sat next to me. Sometime during the show, he tapped me and we had a somewhat awkward conversation.

BABA: Please, what's going on here? Where are all the people that they put on the flier. Like 2face, Banky W and co?
ME: Sir, they've been singing oh. But the curtain is blocking their face.
BABA: *sigh* I remember when Chris Brown came and sometimes he might even sing someone else's song. That's okay. At least people know him. But who's this Darey? Who is he?
ME: *sigh* He's a popular singer sir.
BABA: *hiss* I'm going.

He packed his babe and left the hall. First off, I wondered what that baba could have been looking for in Chris Brown's concert or even at Darey's concert for that matter. My mum, for instance, don't know nobody. She only knows Wizkid because of "Pakurumo." Heck, she doesn't even know me.

I also want to take this opportunity to ask y'all to help me beg my mummy to come home. Since she left to take care of her granddaughter, she has refused to return home. I'm unsure whether she really is just taking the time to rest or she just doesn't really like me anymore. She used to call me "Princess" and now she just calls me "Simi". And she calls my little niece "Princess". Something is out of place here, no? Plus I sang to her (my niece) one time and she started crying. So,apparently, she either didn't like the song, or my voice, or me. Sigh. I thought everyone liked me.

The other day my mum came to our family group on bbm and she was raving about an incident.

MUM: Can you believe it? One foolish boy wrote on my wall on facebook. He told me "Wad up dearie?"
ME: Ehen?
MUM: I asked him what kind of English he was speaking and he said "American English." I was so angry.
ME: He was joking na.
MUM: Gosh!!! What kind of joke is that? The thing is I'm sure my daughter can do something like that.
ME: sigh

Moral of this story...if you're friends with my mum on facebook, please don't tell her "Wad up dearie." It won't end well.

Yours truly, Rantalot


  1. Hahahahah!!! This Ȋ̝̊̅§ a Sick Write-Up.... Awesome!!!

  2. Wad up dearie? loool. At least I can sha write it on here. right?

  3. ..Lmao! Funny as hell. Nice jare. The "Baba" dialogue was too funny.

  4. Its not funny, don't kiss ass


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